The Admirers Strike Back
by Shandethe Sanders
Summary: Just when you thought it was safe to bash Raoul...(Another phic dedicated to Project Vicomte.)
1. Prologue

The Admirers Strike Back 

(A/N: I would like to thank my fellow Admirers, first and foremost. But especially I would like to thank all of you that bash Raoul, for giving me so much material to work with. No, I'm not being sarcastic for once! I—well, okay, I really am. Here's to the true Phans—the ones that can laugh at themselves. And by the way, I do not officially advocate playing juvenile pranks on Phan Literature authors. There, I said it. I'm covered. ;)

Somewhere, in an undisclosed location, the theme music from _Xena__: Warrior Princess _began to play.

_"In a time of recycled plotlines,_

_ Bad writing, and cliches..._

_ A Phandom in stagnation cried out for change_

_ They were Rabid Admirers_

_ Mighty Raoul fans forged in the heat of indignation_

_ The singing_

_ The dancing_

_ The random musical mayhem_

_ Their obsession would change the Phandom!_"

Requiem du Fantome, a recent addition to the Admirers, glanced over her shoulder. "Um, where did that come from?"

"Search me," L'Ange de Folie replied, turning a page in _Interview_ magazine. "One of these days, we've got to figure out where these disembodied voices come from."

"Personally, I don't want to know," Gypsy put in.

"So what now?" Estella asked.

The Admirers were sitting around in their headquarters, feeling generally bored and dissatisfied.

"I don't know," Katey said listlessly, shifting in her bean bag chair. "We could bash the Double-F word some more."  
  
"Did that!" the Admirers groaned in unison.

"Or we could throw sticky things at Sam Siciliano's house."  
  
"Did that, too," Manon groaned. Then she perked up. "It'll take him forever to scrape that stuff off his windows!"

_THUD!_

This sound was followed by a chorus of clangs and bangs, not unlike a small avalanche of kitchen supplies coming from outside the room.

"What's that?" Lexie asked warily. "More importantly…where's Meg?"

"Not here," Estella replied, leaping to her feet. "Which means she's probably the cause of whatever weird noise we're hearing. Besides, we can't have an Admirers Phan fiction without Meg causing _some_ kind of havoc."  
  
"Crap. Just when things were getting peaceful."

"You mean boring," Kim argued. Lexie ignored this, and dashed toward the source of the noise.

The Admirers found Meg standing atop a heap of…well, junk, with a flag sticking out of it. She was clad in full Enjolras gear—a crimson vest, white shirt, and black pants, the look completed by the tri-colored sash at her waist.

"Ok, who let her listen to the 10th Anniversary Concert CD again?" Rusty demanded.

Instead of answering, Meg burst into song.

_"Now I pledge myself to defend this site that I have made! _

_Let those Raoul-haters come by the legions,_

_And they will be met!"_

She stopped singing, and glanced at the others expectantly. "Well?"

Estella shrugged. "What the heck." She climbed onto the junk pile, donning her own Barricade Boy ensemble, and began to sing as well.

_"Have faith in Raoul,_

_Don't let your passions fade!"_

Marzoog, one of the newest members, joined in.

_"Let's give those haters a song and dance_

_That they'll never forget!_

_This is where it begins!"_

Lexie laughed, and climbed onto the makeshift barricade as well.

_"And I'll never be afraid to fight for Raoul to be free!_

_Of all the dumb clichés by authors and artists_

_Where there is bashing, there we will be!_

_If those abusers dare!_

_Let them know, we'll be there!"_

"This is great!" Kim yelled, waving her flag around wildly.

"Vive le vicomte!" Cheryl cried.

Just then, a loud voice boomed from offstage.

_"You Rabid Admirers, listen to us!_

_You're totally alone in your fight!_

_You're on your own!_

_With no friends!_

_Give up your songs, or die!"_

Meg turned into the direction of the voice, singing very loudly.

_"Damn your bashings, damn your lies!___

_ You will see the Raoul fans rise!_

The Admirers all sang as one.

_"Damn your bashings, damn your lies!___

_You will see the Raoul fans rise!"_

A rousing cheer went up from the Admirers, while applause from a disembodied audience filled the air. The girls smiled and curtsied.

When the noise had died down, the Enjolras wannabe turned to the rest, grinning broadly.

"So guys, what do you think of having a garage sale?"

"What?" Cheryl asked, climbing down from the pile of junk. "Don't tell me _that's_ why you assembled all this stuff?"  
  
"Well, yeah. We have to raise money _somehow._"

"She speaks the truth," L'Ange de Folie remarked. "After that last fiasco with Becky L. Meadows' shower…"  
  
"Hey," Meg defended herself, "I maintain that she flushed that toilet _herself._ It's not _my_ fault she happened to also be taking a shower at the time."  
  
Estella swatted Meg playfully on the shoulder. "So very mature, aren't you?"  
  
"Hey, I am lots of things, but mature has _never_ been one of them. At least not where crappy writing is concerned."

Kim made a face. "Did you forget that you're talking to the woman who thinks that bad Phan-Lit authors should be put in the stocks for us to throw things at?"

"It _would_ beat cleaning out the refrigerator," Lexie said thoughtfully.

Danica, another new member, groaned. "Don't encourage her."

Just then, a knock sounded at the door.

Meg dived behind the junk pile…I mean, barricade. "It's the Raoul bashers! They've found us!"  
  
Estella laughed, and went to the door. She peered out the peep hole. "No, it's not! It's Raoul!"

_"The Viscount of the Opera is here, inside our minds!"_ the Admirers chorused.

Estella opened the door, and Raoul stepped in with a large package tucked under his arm. He was immediately surrounded by his Admirers, caught in a group hug.

"Well, this is different from the way I'm usually greeted," he commented, laughing and returning the hugs.

"How are you usually greeted?" Lexie asked, her voice somewhat muffled, as her face was buried in the back of Raoul's coat.

"Er…well, actually, I'm _not_ usually greeted. That's the difference," Raoul replied.

"What's that?" Meg asked, pointing to the package under Raoul's arm.

"Cookies," Raoul responded with a grin. "For my favorite Admirers."  
  
"Hey, we're your _only _Admirers!" Sharon exclaimed.

"Details, details." Raoul handed over the cookies, and in moments the group was sitting on the barricade, eating and talking.

"For once, it looks like we might actually have a nice, peaceful day," Estella said happily.

That was when the midi alarm went off. Everyone glared at Estella.

"Oops," the offender said.

"What's going on?" Gypsy demanded. "Raoul can't be in danger…I mean, he's right here."

"Unless one of us is…a basher in disguise!" Meg crowed. She struck an Elvis-like pose, and began to sing.

_"You fool me with your stories_

_Who knew summaries could mislead?_

_It's not my fault, oh my oh me!_

_I'm so bored with the limits to what I read!"_

"Nice Elvis impersonation," Raoul commented.

"Thank you. Thank you very much," Meg replied in her Elvis voice.

"Ok, so if Raoul's here, then why did the alarm go off?" Marzoog demanded.

"Um...I think I know," Jen, otherwise known as Phantom Panda, chimed in. She was one of the other new members, and was hanging back from the others, near the lone computer terminal.

"Yes?" Promted Lexie.

"Raoul is on trial for ruining Erik's life," Jen announced, casting a rather nervous glance at Meg.  
  
"What?" Raoul asked. "But how--I don't understand--"  
  
"You married Christine," Julie pointed out. "Erik loved Christine, and most Phans love Erik, so they blame you for his unhappiness."  
  
Raoul rolled his eyes. "Let me guess. They blame me for his deformity and his death as well?"

"Where is the trial?" Meg asked, once the steam had stopped issuing from her ears.

"Not far from here," Estella replied, leaning over Jen's shoulder to look at the computer screen. "We can make it."  
  
"Do you think we should?" Katey asked.

"As Rabid Admirers, it's our duty to fight Raoul bashing wherever we may find it," Meg stated, leaping up onto her soapbox.

"Oh," Raoul said, glancing at Meg apprehensively. "While I certainly object to this bashing, I hardly wish for you ladies to get hurt."  
  
"Oh, don't worry," Rusty replied. "We've been involved for awhile. Anyway, the worst we Phans can do to each other is toss verbal insults. It isn't like we brawl in the streets."

La Pamplemousse looked up. "We don't?"

"Girl, you scare me," L'Ange de Folie informed her.

"What are we waiting around for?" Meg countered.

Marzoog leaped up on a chair.

"They may take our lives, but they will never take away…_our VICOMTE!"_ she shouted.

At once, the Admirers began to sing.

_"We love him, but when the show is over_

_Our sweetheart's gone_

_And we're stuck with crappy Phanfics_

_That misrepresent__ our Underrated Lover!_

_Without him, the show would be so boring_

_No suspense, no difficult decisions_

_And we don't care that everywhere_

_Others oppose our mission!  
  
We love him_

_We love him_

_We love him_

_But only on our own!"_

Raoul was beet-red by the time the last note drifted away. "Thank you, ladies."  
  
"Anytime," Estella replied. "Shall we go?"  
  
"Yeah, baby!" the others chorused.

And once again, the Admirers flew out the door to save the day for truth, justice, and fairness toward Raoul de Chagny!

(A/N: Songs parodied are "Upon these Stones-At the Barricade" from _Les Miserables_, "Devil in Disguise" by Elvis Presley, and "On My Own" from _Les Miserables._ And yes, I am fully aware of the irony in using "On My Own", given that so many hard core Erik Phans are also Eponine sympathizers. That was the whole point. ;) And the opening monologue is parodied from _Xena__: Warrior Princess_.)


	2. The Trial

Chapter Two: The Trial

(A/N: Think Raoul fans don't exist? You must be residing in the land of Denial. Yep, we're here, get over it. You can bash Raoul, just expect to answer to us. And…I sincerely hope no actual court of law conducts itself like this one does. Otherwise, we're in a lot of trouble.)

"Order!" the judge called wearily, not even bothering to bang her gavel anymore. After years of sentencing perfectly innocent characters to a lifetime of misrepresentations, this was hardly anything new.

Cosette Pontmercy was promptly led from the courtroom, to be forever written in fan fiction as an airhead or cold-hearted bitch queen in favor of poor, unfortunate Eponine. Marius, meanwhile, was already planning the appeal. (Which is just one benefit of having a lawyer for a husband.)

"Next case?" the judge asked.

A girl in a black t-shirt bearing the _Phantom of the Opera_ logo stood up. "The Erik Phans vs. Raoul de Chagny."  
  
"Just one problem, Counselor. The defendant isn't here."  
  
"That never made a difference before," The Counselor Phan pointed out.

"True. Well, anyway—" the Judge stopped short. "What's that noise?"  
  
"Sounds like a—"

She was interrupted by the sound of a car outside, and a moment later, a huge, wildly painted psychadelic bus burst through the doors. The letters "R.A.O.U.L" were emblazoned in gold letters on both sides.

When the debris cleared, the door to the bus slid open, and several young women stepped out of it. One of them turned on her boombox, and music began to play.

Then the singing began.

_"We like, we like de Chagny_

_We like, we like de Chagny_

_We like, we like de Chagny_

_We like, we like de Chagny_

_The Raoul fans are comin'_

_So you better start a-runnin'_

_We won't ever stop, no!_

_Ready, set and let's go!_

_Hey, now, hey now_

_Listen to our song now!_

_Tolerance is just around the corner!_

_Hey now, hey now_

_Hear what we say now!  
We live to defend Raoul!"_

"Who the hell are you?" the Counselor Erik Phan demanded, putting her hands on her hips.

Meg stepped in front of her comrades, and struck a dramatic pose. "We are the Rabid Admirers of Underrated Lovers!"  
  
"Come again?"  
  
"The Society of R.A.O.U.L," Meg said patiently, with the air of one who has explained something innumerable times. "We're Raoul fans, in case you didn't get the gist of our song."  
  
"I got it," the Counselor said defensively. "What do you want?"  
  
"What else?" Marzoog demanded. "To defend Raoul, of course! If you're going to put him on trial, it ought to at least be a fair one."  
  
"Really?" the Counselor asked, surprised. "What, you mean…actually give Raoul fans a chance to make themselves heard, in a fair and balanced setting?"  
  
"That's the plan," Kim said.

"What the heck. I could use a good laugh," the Judge said wearily. She banged her gavel. "Let the trial begin!"

Raoul and his Admirers took their seats, and the Erik Phans did the same.The judge took a drink from her water glass, then gestured for the Counselor Erik Phan to begin. "Counselor Erik Phan, you may approach the bench."  
  
The Counselor did so. "Your honor, for too long the fop has been—"  
  
"OBJECTION!" Meg thundered, so loudly that dust shook from the ceiling. Estella, who had been sitting right next to her, did not look as though she appreciated it.

"You can't object yet, we're still doing the opening statements," the judge explained patiently.

"Oh." Meg sank back into her chair, deflated. Raoul patted her on the shoulder reassuringly.

"Proceed, Counselor," Lexie said, with a sidelong glance at the Counselor Phan. "But, um, try not to use the 'f' word too much. Meg tends to explode when people say it."

The Counselor rolled her eyes. "Oh, fine. Anyway, the prosecution moves to dismiss Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny forever as a cardboard cut-out love interest, who should serve a sentence of character abuse in every Phan fiction and Phan Literature novel ever written, never to be given character development or, y'know, human qualities of any kind."

The judge turned to the defense. "And what have you to say?" she asked.

Jen stood up. "We say that the moral of the story, _tolerance and acceptance_, should be applied to all the characters, including Raoul de Chagny. We say that he's a good guy who was in over his head, and did the best he could with the knowledge he had. And as such, he should be written in a way that a) acknowledges that he HAS a character, and b) attempts to develop said character."  
  
The jury gasped in shock. Meg buried her face in her hands, muttering obscenities under her breath.

"Thank you, Counselor…um, Rabid Admirer," the judge replied. "Now, would the prosecution care to support its position?"  
  
The Counselor Erik Phan stood up. "Raoul de Chagny is nothing more than a dumb fop. In the Leroux novel, it says that he has girly skin, and he's a real wuss—he faints in the graveyard, for heaven's sake! He should have just left Erik and Christine alone."  
  
"And do you have a rebuttal to that, Rabid Admirers?" The judge asked.

"HIT IT!" Meg roared.

Instantly, eighties-style synthesizer music filled the air, as the Admirers lept up from their chairs, and broke into Paula Abdul-esque dance moves.

"_I read, two more pages  
Then I go two pages back_

_But I just don't see it_

_Your theories are cracked!  
  
And you know—though it's fiction_

_He did it for love, and that's a fact_

_He couldn't just sit there_

_That would have been whack!"_

_  
_The Counselor Erik Phan stared in disbelief. "Okay, that was weird...how did the music just...and the costumes..."__

Katey sighed. "It's kind of our trademark. Just trust me, you don't want to know."

"Can we get back to the discussion?" Kim demanded.

Estella stepped forward. "To answer the prosecution in less melodic terms, we would like to point out that, if you actually _read_ Leroux, Raoul does not give a crap about his appearance. When he's worried about Christine, the book describes him as pale and tired. As to the fainting thing, well, what would _you _have done if faced with a living skull? Presented your card?"

Meg stood up. "And _why_ do so many fangirls assume that life with Erik would be all bunnies and songs, while life with Raoul would be hell on earth? It makes no logical sense!"  
  
"Burn, you heretic Raoul-supporting witch!" cried one of the jurors.

The leader of the Admirers turned to her comrades. "I think they're seeing it our way," she said dryly.

"Yeah, way to make your point," Elyse said with a grin, crossing her arms over her chest.

The judge sighed. "Does the prosection have anything else to say?"

The Counselor Phan nodded vigorously. "We would also like to add that Erik is all sad, deformed and lonely. If he'd had Christine, she would have transformed him, and he would have lived. Raoul is a jerk, he tried to shoot Erik in the back!"

For his part, Raoul look shocked. "I would never do something so dishonorable! Who wrote that nonsense?"  
  
"Quiet, fop boy!" the Counselor Erik Phan yelled.

The judge raised her eyebrows. "Does the defense have a rebuttal?"  
  
"Yes, your honor," L'Ange de Folie said, standing up. _"READ LEROUX!_ Raoul would never have tried to shoot Erik in the back. Susan Kay's characterizations were off by a long shot, pun fully intended."  
  
"Even in Leroux," Requiem du Fantome pointed out, "When Raoul _did_ try to shoot at whoever was in his room—and we have yet to prove if it was even Erik, or some cat with really bad timing. If _was_ Erik…well, what do you think he was doing there to begin with? Giving Raoul a foot rub? It may not have been the wisest thing to do, but it was done in self-defense. Plus, Erik or the cat was _facing_ him at the time."

"So there!" Kim yelled, sticking out her tongue.  
  
"Easy, tiger," Jenny said, patting Kim's shoulder.

The Judge glanced at the Counselor Phan, who did not look happy at this use of logic and reason in the face of blind fangirliness.

"Does the prosecution rest?" The Judge asked.

"No, we do not!" The Counselor Phan shot back. "We'll rest when Raoul de Chagny meets with the firing squad!"

Meg looked as though she wanted to vault over the table and lecture the Counselor Phan until her ears bled, but Estella held her back.

"Oh yeah," Meg said, taking a deep breath. "I forgot. We walk a different path."  
  
Requiem nodded enthusiastically, and pressed the 'PLAY' button on the boom box. A rap song began to play, as the Admirers broke into yet another snazzy choreographed dance sequence, complete with a laser light show. (The bake sale having been highly successful.)

_"We love Raoul, and we will not buy_

_Into these silly Phan-Lit lies!_

_Built on nothing more than an Erik bias_

_If you'd like to argue, go ahead and try us!_

_Say the word 'fop' and we'll be there_

_In an old courtroom or an underground lair!_

_Deep under the __Paris__ Opera_

_If you bash him, ya better watch out!_

_Bashing has no sense and reason_

_It's like canonical treason!!_

_All we want is for Raoul to be free_

_Tolerance and understanding is the key!" _

The Judge pounded her gavel once more. "Enough, ladies. That was, um...spirited. Now, I am adjouring the court for a brief recess. Court will reconvene whenever the author feels like updating."

"Just in time," Elyse gasped, reaching for her water bottle. "I think we could all use a break, huh?"  
  
The other Admirers nodded enthusiastically. The Counselor Erik Phan was examining the place where the laser lights had been, trying to figure out exactly how they worked, and who had been working them.

(A/N: Okay, songs parodied: "We Like to Party" by the Vengaboys, Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract" and "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot. If the arguments given by the Erik Phans against Raoul seem weak, it's because I think that most of the reasons that Phans give for hating Raoul are pretty weak. Yes, I _do _realize that there are Raoul haters who actually have read Leroux…that will be addressed in the next chapter, most likely. I make no apologies for my views, though I hope no one has been grievously offended. Thanks again to the Admirers, and just a reminder--write stuff for Project Vicomte! Ok, I'm done now.)


End file.
